How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
