I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
