you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
