We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
