I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Terrible idea I love it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
