Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
