I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
