I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
