We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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