I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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