So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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