i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
