My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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