he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
