I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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