The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
