i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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