forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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