so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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