she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
