I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
