I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
