i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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