No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
