Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
