so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
