I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
