You just made me feel so damn special
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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