do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
