I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
