every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
