My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
