we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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