as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
