wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
