The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
