im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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