Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
