Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
