i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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