after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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