You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
