did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
