remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
