fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
