Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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