Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
