Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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