Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
