i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
