How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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