Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
