She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
