So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
