Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the condom got lost in my hair
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dude. I can hear the air.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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