Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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