Jerry, you need to find god
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
