FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
