Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
