chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
