Life is so much better after having sex.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
