can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
