I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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