shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
