i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize