If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need a beard to bite.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
