I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just had sex on a roof
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When are your genitals available?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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