smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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