I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
