I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
worst night to have a conscience
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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