and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize