I just saw a hot homeless man
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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