Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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